Author Topic: Ultimate Power: A Legacy [Unfortunate News] Graveyard Please  (Read 42435 times)

Offline Wiry

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Hello fellow Simmers!  This is my first legacy style game,  and certainly my first story, so, constructive criticism is desired and welcome.

Now: On With the Show!


 This is William  Driver.  He is first and foremost, Evil to the core.  Ever since his birth he's always been trying to undercut and hurt others, sometimes for his own gain, often for pleasure.  He is also exceedingly brilliant  (A Genius he might add),  having a head for logical thinking and planning (Outside of mathematics, which he failed in school) , this goes well with his way with people. Ever since birth he's been able to draw people to him and  get on well with them, at least in their eyes. In his eyes, they  were all his puppets, dancing for him.  He is also quite a snob, he sees himself as the pinnacle of perfection, and will only associate with those who have reasonable status.  Finally, he is obsessed with maintaining his health, having refused to eat meat since birth. His lifetime wish is to live in the lap of luxury, ensuring that his plans are well funded.

He has moved to Sunset Valley because of a rift with his do-gooder parents, and he hopes to one day have the whole town in his pocket.  In keeping with his plans to be incredibly wealthy, he has become a menial coffee  runner for a petty businessman, but not for long.


  After  getting his job,  he decides to go to the park to assert his dominance at the chess table, as well as to find a puppet. He engages a teenage girl, Holly Alto, in chess.  He beats her easily.


He strikes up a conversation  with Holly for a long time after, and finds out that they share vegetarianism. She seems useful (She is related to  the Altos, a very wealthy family),   so he plans to seduce her eventually, what wealthy man doesn't have a trophy wife much younger than him?


He picks a fight with Zelda Mae


And Wins.


After returning home,  He is found talking to himself in the mirror, plotting world domination.

William's Wealth and Power Legacy

Fausta Legacy
*Twitch* GENIES!  *Twitch*
"For if Knowledge is Power, then a god am I!"- The Riddler

Offline Pam

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2012, 11:27:10 PM »
Welcome to our Forum, Wiry. 

One thing I noticed in your story is that the spaces between your words are not consistent.  Sometimes you put two spaces instead of just one.  It will help tidy your paragraphs if you are consistent.  That's really the only critique I can offer.  It looks great, especially for a first attempt.  Good luck!  :)
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Offline Execution

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2012, 11:41:36 PM »
Welcome to the Forum~.

It's quite refreshing to see not only a legacy amid the dynasties but also refreshing to see such a wonderfully written first attempt. Props to you, and I shall be reading!

Offline Wiry

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2012, 01:59:34 PM »
Welcome to our Forum, Wiry. 

One thing I noticed in your story is that the spaces between your words are not consistent.  Sometimes you put two spaces instead of just one.  It will help tidy your paragraphs if you are consistent.  That's really the only critique I can offer.  It looks great, especially for a first attempt.  Good luck!  :)
I attack the spacebar when it doesn't work the first time, will police that issue more carefully.
William's Wealth and Power Legacy

Fausta Legacy
*Twitch* GENIES!  *Twitch*
"For if Knowledge is Power, then a god am I!"- The Riddler

loveSims

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2012, 02:32:57 PM »
Great start and welcome to the forum. :)

shadowdodo23

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2012, 04:45:14 PM »
What is his are his five traits I could only see were Evil, Genius, Snob, Perfectionist?

Offline Execution

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2012, 05:22:10 PM »
What is his are his five traits I could only see were Evil, Genius, Snob, Perfectionist?

I believe his traits are Evil, Genius, Charismatic, Snob, and Vegetarian, but I'm not Wiry so this is just what I could gather from the text.



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Offline Wiry

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2012, 05:53:49 PM »
I believe his traits are Evil, Genius, Charismatic, Snob, and Vegetarian, but I'm not Wiry so this is just what I could gather from the text.
Indeed  they are.  I probably should have listed them.
William's Wealth and Power Legacy

Fausta Legacy
*Twitch* GENIES!  *Twitch*
"For if Knowledge is Power, then a god am I!"- The Riddler

Offline Wiry

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2012, 06:09:41 PM »


 The morning after his plotting session, he admires himself in the mirror, wondering how such a perfect man could come from such useless parents, and reads a book, in an attempt to optimize his coffee-running capability.  For such a menial job, he enjoys the opportunities it provides for mischief.  He especially enjoys watching his coworkers squirm when they find out that they were not using sugar, but salt.  He heads off to work.

After work, he receives a phone call to participate in a riddle contest at the bookstore, which he wins quite easily. He sets off for home and invites the CEO of the company, Gunther Goth, over for a while.


He and Gunther discuss a plethora of matters, until finally Gunther feels like William is his friend. Stupid Man.  Gunther leaves and William goes to bed. 


William goes to work on Friday, and receives a promotion to another, slightly less worthless position, Filing Assistant. It seems that his time wasted with Gunther was not really wasted at all, and he is pleased. He goes to the park to play chess, and ends up matched against some peasant.


William holds a party the next day, to which he invites his "Friends" from work, as well as Holly Alto, who he sees has now reached an eligible age.


He gives her flowers and continues to dance with her, plotting his romantic conquest.

 
William's Wealth and Power Legacy

Fausta Legacy
*Twitch* GENIES!  *Twitch*
"For if Knowledge is Power, then a god am I!"- The Riddler

Offline Execution

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2012, 06:20:17 PM »
I really like your writing style, Wiry -- I love how you really give us the perspective of the characters while staying in the third person. I also like William's evil persona. Keep the updates coming!

Offline Wiry

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2012, 09:57:17 PM »
Here's a short update concluding my End of Day Simming


 William spends his Sunday morning at the park, playing chess. He notices the presence of Holly Alto, who must have known where he would be, because she immediately approached his chess table and began to play.


  After the chess game, Holly must go, and so hugs him goodbye. William is not willing to let her go so easily though.....


  He moves in for a kiss, and finds Holly receptive to his advances. He has her where he wants her, and very soon, her family's fortune will be his!


  Holly's receptiveness surprises William, who accelerates his plan accordingly. In the moments after their kiss, he proposes marriage. He doesn't need to wait and fall in love with her, she is merely a means to an end, and she unwittingly moves into checkmate.  She accepts!
William's Wealth and Power Legacy

Fausta Legacy
*Twitch* GENIES!  *Twitch*
"For if Knowledge is Power, then a god am I!"- The Riddler

Offline JudesSims

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Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2012, 10:01:38 PM »
I like your writing style. He's so nasty! LOL

Offline Wiry

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2012, 01:53:00 PM »

  William calls off of work for the next day, and has a bachelor party the same night as his proposal (Really just a reason to torment others)

 
  He promptly ruins Thornton Wolf's tuxedo by spraying nectar on it, much to the dismay of Mr. Wolf.

 

  After cleaning up the mess those swine made in his home, he invites Holly over and they exchange vows and rings, as well as a kiss.


  After Holly goes to bed that night, he is found once again, masterminding his plans and congratulating himself on a job well done.

William's Wealth and Power Legacy

Fausta Legacy
*Twitch* GENIES!  *Twitch*
"For if Knowledge is Power, then a god am I!"- The Riddler

Offline Wiry

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2012, 08:28:01 PM »
End of Day Update time. Not much happened, but I did notice that it seems like William is Aliiiive.  I don't have to prompt him to do all sorts of nasty things  8)


 Holly moved in, taking all of her parent's simoleons with her, a whopping 6,000. Not only has William secured the future of his perfect genes, he has also turned the Altos into paupers.  He is pleased.


 Celebrating his accomplishments, he spends the rest of the day at the park, where he spots his nemesis Zelda Mae.  He is sure to inform her of her status, taking lots of time to speak slowly and explain the definition of "nemesis" to the fool.


 Delicious.   She was foolish enough to attack him again, and he was forced to show her why he was to be feared.


 She will be feeling that for a while, if she ever stops feeling it, that is.


 William manipulates Holly into becoming an author, and she promptly starts work on a drama called "The Epic of William."
She is helpless, bending to his every whim.  He would have thought that the daughter of such a successful family would be at least a challenge, but she will do as the mother of his children, some of them at least.   
William's Wealth and Power Legacy

Fausta Legacy
*Twitch* GENIES!  *Twitch*
"For if Knowledge is Power, then a god am I!"- The Riddler

Offline tlkrn

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Re: Wealth and Power: A Legacy
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2012, 09:03:39 PM »
Love, Love it!!  William is just deliciously evil & I really enjoy how you tell the story from his perspective.  Can't wait for more! :)

 

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