2.11. Legendary Failure 
Louise: Welcome back to The Amazing Hollander – the legacy that promises amazing in the title but only gives despair and madness. Today, Kristy is doing magic. What a shocker.
Kristy: Ah yes, witness my-
Louise: Oh, who freaking cares at this point. I sure don’t. Nor does Kristy. She’s even wanted to quit her job at some point.
Kristy: It’s because I’m constantly disappointed by my failures.
Louise: Quitting your job won’t change that. It would only mean your failures wouldn’t be done in front of an audience. All you basically needs to know is that Kristy’s doing well at her job. Nobody saw this coming, least of all me.
Louise: Instead, let’s check in on Keegan who’s petting an inanimate rocking horse.
Keegan: Yes, you are such a nice horse. You are such a nice carbon neutral alternative to actual horses :>
Louise: This boy has issues. But then we all knew that.
Louise: Esmée is already doing dumb faces. They start young.
Esmée: (Translated: π is commonly defined as the ratio of a circle's circumference C to its diameter d).
Louise: When Kristy isn’t doing magic shows or performing in the streets for petty cash, she’s digging through the mailbox for presents, love letters, and creepy pictures from… well, everyone, really. I think half the male population of Riverview is madly in love with her.
Kristy: Though the price of the presents leaves something to be desired.
Louise: But they're a decent source of income. If you didn’t get those presents you’d be a lousy money maker.
Louise: The rest of the time she receives offers to go on dates.
Kristy: Jeez, it’s really flattering that you’ve met me like once and want me to meet your… eh… mother? Oh, aunt, yeah, well, I’m afraid I can’t because I’ve got one of those ‘husbands’ that are so popular these days. Okay, BYE.
Trish: AHAHA! BOO!
Sherman: Aaaargh! Oh no, I- huh, oh, it’s only you, Leslie’s baby’s baby. I thought you were a Leslie-napper… You just go be perfect and have a lovely day.
Trish: … Shucks! I’ll try again someday.
Trish: SOMEDAY SOON. Mwhahaha!
Louise: Told ya – they start early with the stupid faces.
Keegan: “Hello, Michael doll.” “Hello, Rachel doll. Do you want to move in with me?” “If we can have insurance!” “Okay, I think insurance is very important! Should we get an organic, decaf latte?” “Oh, that sounds lovely! If we can get it in organic, recyclable paper cups!” “Oh, you read my mind!”
Louise: I think this speaks to itself... and I didn't care much to hear it anywho.
Louise: In the meantime, Leslie is teaching Esmée to say important things.
Leslie: Say fabulous!
Esmée: Rice field!
Leslie: … Huh. Well, uh, say… astronaut!
Esmée: Real estate!
Leslie: … Close enough.
Louise: Teaching toddlers is sweaty work, as you can see.
Louise: Maybe we need a mini toddler spam? Yes, yes we do. LOOKIT HOW CUTE SHE IS.
Esmée: (Translated: *singing* We built this city, we built this city on rock and roooooll…)
Louise: Cutie. Cutie, cutie, cutie, CUTIE.
Louise: Okay, so before you can finally get some peace from this yammering, there’s just one magic show I have to give you. I’m so bored with these wow. But this one’s important!
Louise: Because, you see, Kristy totally messes up and yet, this show is legendary. Yes. Ballsing up the last trick in the show and being an utter failure means legendary show. Entertainment in Riverview is so limited, people literally think a legendary failure is better than nothing.
Leslie: I do believe my fabulous daughter is fabulously famous by now.
Louise: Hardly – she’s a one star celebrity.
Leslie: Oh, you’re always so negative.
Louise: Only when I talk to you <3
Leslie: Well, aren’t you going to finish off this chapter? You always complain about coherency and it seems you’ve given up on it completely.
Louise: I gave up on coherency the moment I made you, but you’re right. We’ll finish off this chapter here. Next time, there’ll probably be more daft faces and hopefully a birthday or four. See you then, guys!
Author's note: I actually don't have anything to say this time so I wrote this author's note to say that I don't have any author's note so eh... that was really weird. Excuse me.
