New features in the Sims 4 Patch
The Sims 4 Eco Lifestyle Guide
Eco Footprint: How it Works
Neighborhood Action Plans
How to Cheat in Sims 4 Eco Lifestyle
Civil Designer Career
Insect Farms & Bio Fuel
Fabrication Skill in Eco Lifestyle
Juice Fizzing NEW
Traits and Aspirations in DLC
Gameplay Ideas for Sims 4 Eco Lifestyle
The Sims 4 Relationships
Making Best Friends, Socializing, and Interacting with Other Sims
'Call Over' is helpful. This is a good way to make Acquaintances and meet new Sims
This Guide to Relationships in The Sims 4 will teach you how conversation between Sims works, how they build Friendships/Romances, and what you can do to speed up that process. I'll provide tips for learning a Sim's Traits and getting the Friendship bar to move faster in the positive direction as well as useful Socials for making Friends. We'll also list most of the Friendly relationship status, and about how far you need the bar to be in order to get to each relationship level. If you're just looking for Cheats to make Friends, you'll find those here. We will focus on Friendships for now, and expand on Romance with this guide and Woohoo/Mess Around for Teens here. If you can make Friends, you can definitely find a Boyfriend or Girlfriend for your Sim, so reading either of these should help.
Friendship, Romance Bars and Decay
For each Sim you know, there will be a Friendship (green) and Romantic (pink) bar that indicate your selected Sim's standing with the target. The further these go to the right, the more options you'll get for interacting with them. When your Sim doesn't interact with another for days, you will see these bars go down. A past friend or old flame will be easier to build back up to where it was before, as you should have more options.
Mortimer is Chatting with Beverly, Daryl, and Devon. Big groups can happen at Parties
When Sims use Socials, they are drawn into a Chat. Each of the Sims can use a social and draw another in, to the point that your Sim may be interacting with a number of them. The Sims will Chat amongst one another in between uses of Socials. Chatting in groups seems to just be a nice visual trick to make the game more immersive. Despite how it looks, Sims only gain or lose Relationship when one of them uses a Social Interaction on another, and the gains/losses are between those two Sims. These can either be accepted as friendly, kind or taken as annoying, upsetting, etc. The exception are Jokes and group-specific socials like those that can impact everyone around. Otherwise, this holds true for 90% of other interactions.
Families have Relationships, too. The Goths are all 'Friends'.
The + and ++ you see are small or large gains. One - or two - - signify a drop. This much is obvious, but the relationship gains being directly tied to the socials used by the Sims are noticeable when in a group. So, you shouldn't just stand there and do nothing when in a chat, and are likely to be disappointed by the results if you let other Sims do most of the talking. The other Sims can use mean or flirty socials that are rejected and cause drops in relationship with one another, and their use of interactions are not as thoughtful as yours can be. Be the center of attention and queue up multiple socials on your target future pal.
For this one, I'll focus on the positive relationships in The Sims 4, although you can certainly make enemies. It's just much easier to make an enemy than a friend - just be mean. If you want to declare an enemy, the option will be under mean when the bar drops low enough. When the green bar progresses to the right, the relationship between your selected Sim and the target is building. When it reaches the following percentages, you are at that Relationship Level:
- Acquaintances - 0-39%
- Friend - 40%-59%
- Good Friend - 60%+
The ability to be Best Friends is unlocked once you hit 80% with another Sim. You must ask the Sim if they want to be Best Friends, but they'll usually accept if they like your Sim.
As Sims gain standing with one another, more options open up when visiting in their home. Sims who are in a romantic relationship and achieve Boyfriend/Girlfriend status can freely sleep, clean, and cook meals in the other Sim's home without being rude. There is a lot more to what interactions are available, however...
Social Interaction Availability
The availability of many Social Interactions depends on several factors: your Sim's Traits, the Relationship Level between the two Sims, the Emotion of your Sim, and the Tone of Conversation. This is most noticeable with Romantic Interactions, as they start with minor flirting and progress to allow passionate kissing. Some Socials are age or relationship restricted as well - like not being able to flirt with Children or a sibling, and having extra chit-chat options with Neighbors like 'Complain about Local Youths', Changes in the Neighborhood, and Property Values.
The Awkward Encounter limits the Sim's available Romance Interactions
Using several Social Interactions in a row and having them accepted, your Sim's conversation options will expand or, if negative, grow meaner and more direct. The Context is another big factor in what determines the Social Interactions you can use on a Sim. These are various terms to describe how two Sims, or even a group of Sims, are interacting. All friendly chats start at Casual Discussion, but can quickly change. The Social options under each menu expand or disappear depending on this tone. Here are the various conversation levels in each category:
Being Outgoing or Happy can help a lot with Friendly interactions. It's easier to be Friendly when in a good mood! The Gregarious Trait may help boost success rates, as will each few levels in Charisma you gain. In fact, Charisma helps with every positive Social Interaction:
- Casual Discussion - a baseline Context
- Pleasant Conversation - when several Friendly socials have gone well
When using Interactions under the Funny menu, you will see the following. Having the Goofball Trait may help boost success rates, while the Playful Moodlets you get will surely help. Having a higher level in the Comedy Skill will unlock more Social Interactions:
- Hilarious Repartee - Many jokes have landed well
- Funny Conversation - a Joke or two and some good laughs
- Boring Conversation - Funny gone wrong or using the same social 3x or more.
- Tedious - Multiple Funny Interactions fail
- Insufferably Tedious - Many jokes have failed, so change the conversation up
When using Social Interactions under the Romantic menu, you will see these Contexts. Having the Romantic Trait can boost success rates and give you more interactions to use, as will having a small amount of Friendship with the Sim's Romantic Interest:
- Suggestive Conversation - a Romance Social has been accepted
- Amorous Exchange - The Romantic exchange is going well, keep it up!
- Steamy Exchange - Multiple Romance Socials have hit the mark
- Awkward Encounter - Things are going wrong. This can happen to other Sims when witnessing others Romance, particularly their parents. Be Funny or change to Friendly if things are going badly for your Sim.
- Very Awkward Encounter - This Sim is not into yours, so stop it with the Pick-Up Lines
Mean Socials or Bad Conversations
Being Hot Headed or Mean may make your Sim deliver more potent mean Interactions, while also opening up new Socials. Evil Sims will enjoy the suffering. If a Mischievous Sim's interactions aren't taken as funny, you may also see these:
- Unpleasant Conversation - Failed or Mean Social dipped Conversation Context slightly into the negative
- Offensive Conversation - Multiple failed Friendly, Mischievous, or Mean Socials
- Abhorrent Conversation - Numerous Mean Socials have sunk the conversation, and likely the Relationship
The Relationship Panel can be used to contact Sims, too!
Look to the Relationship Panel (Hotkey 'R') to see the selected Sim's Relationships. You will notice they decay. A little phone call won't do in this game to keep friendships alive; you need to have that Sim over, hang out at their house, or meet at a public place. Doing things in your own home is usually good, because you have full access to cook, and things like that. In short, socializing in person is the shortest path to Friendship in The Sims 4.
Making Friends in The Sims 4
Mortimer takes a Selfie with his new Best Friend
Unless your Sim is Gregarious (from Social Aspirations) or has a high level of Charisma, it seems a little more challenging to make friends in the Sims 4 than it was in the past. I think this is somewhat due to a higher Social rejection rate (likely based on Traits and Emotions) and the system requiring a little more thought. For the average Sim, standing about in a group and letting other Sims use Socials is not going to lead to fast Friendships very often. The Sims are not talking with just your Sim, but interacting amongst one another. It's better to focus on a target or spread out your Socials and be in charge of the Chat session. Here are some pointers:
10 Million Views! My YouTube channel has grown a lot the last 6 months. I now have over 125 videos on Youtube and am nearing 100k subscribers. I'd like to invite people to check out my content and, if you like what I'm doing, subscribe!
Building a Friendship is easier when the other Sim is in a good Mood. Emotion matters!
Gauge the Situation
The better your Sim's mood, the better they perform in social situations. In fact, sometimes your Sim is reacting negatively to Social Interactions other Sims use on them. The other Sim's mood matters as well. You can see the mood a Sim is in based on the color of the bar or by hovering over the conversation panel in the top-center. If a Sim is in a bad mood, Socials are slightly more likely to be rejected - especially romantic ones. If your Sim doesn't even know the other Sim, don't immediately start with things like friendly hugs or blowing kisses. Get the bar toward 20-30% before you try it, and go back to what works if that doesn't.
Work on that Charisma
Charisma has a particularly potent effect on Socialization in the game. These Sims can easily win over another, especially when they are happy, primarily because it makes certain Social Interactions available earlier in Conversation. They also get a few powerful Social Interactions that are unique to Charisma. Check the Charisma Guide to learn more.
The Buildup & Learning Sim Traits
Pay attention to how your Socials are performing. If a Sim doesn't like something, they're not likely to enjoy you repeating it. If multiple Funny interactions fail, switch to Friendly. Use 'Get to Know' and 'Discuss Interests' to learn a Sim's traits. Some of these will help you find Socials that will work well - especially when Traits match. Sometimes a Sim's Trait will come out in their personality, so pay attention to your notifications. Two Bookworms or Creative Sims will have plenty of success using those types of Socials.
Avoiding Repetition & Finding what Works
Repeating the same social is going to cause a Sim to get irritated. You can do a Social 2x in a row, but a third can make the Conversation boring. It's better to rotate through some of the socials that you know work. 'Get to Know' and 'Discuss Interests' are not going to fail as often as Gossip and Hug early in a Relationship. Use Socials that don't seem too forward. They seem to have scores that determine how potent they are, as well as the likelihood of rejection decreasing as the Friendship or Romance progresses.
Try 'Ask to Hang Out' and 'Travel Here With'
If you meet a Sim at the Park or Gym, you can keep them around a bit longer by building a little into Acquaintances and then asking them to Hang Out while the conversation is at Pleasant. You may also hook them for a while by asking them to Travel somewhere with you, if they're about to leave. This is really handy when you want to build a relationship with the target and you want to avoid them walking off. They may start to, but you can grab them with another Interaction and resume the chat. Sims have very short attention spans. If you want to take them somewhere else, use 'Invite To...'.
Utilize Trait-Specific Interactions, Emotions, and Skill Unlocks
Trait-specific interactions can be quite powerful, as well as those that are unlocked through Skills. As your Sim displays knowledge of a Skill or exhibits their interests, they can easily gain friends even if they do not share those interests. I found my Bookworm interactions working well, as long as those interactions related to liking Art. When a Sim is inspired, they may share their crazy idea. A lot of Sims will take this as a good thing.
Mentoring Sims at the Gym is one powerful interaction that players report helping them to make Friends. To be safe, you can Introduce your Sim first. You may also ask other Sims to Mentor your own, so they gain Fitness Skill faster and can eventually Mentor others. A few other Skills, like Guitar, Piano, and Violin may allow your Sim to Mentor, but those are only really useful on Sims you have control over within your own Household.
Chatting on the Computer
A slow, but steady gain of Friendship can be made by Chatting at the Computer. Use 'Chat With' to select a specific Sim and know where the effort is going. This is a very reliable, if not quick, way to make Friends or at least maintain relationships.
Watching TV together is fun and fills the Social need while also making Friendships
Playing Chess or Cards, eating a meal, watching television, and just relaxing on a comfy couch are all things that Sims can do together to improve their Moods while also talking. Doing these activities together will build Relationship so long as the other isn't grumpy. To work a conversation into a group activity, just use one Social on the other Sim after you, for example, turn on the TV. Use 'Call to Meal' after cooking to get another Sim to eat with yours. Your Sim's Fun, Hunger, and Social needs will go up, while the Relationship bar should tick slowly right as you use the occasional Interaction.
Use Emotional Auras and Decor to Your Advantage
Looking to make a boyfriend or girlfriend? Use Flirty Paintings and invite over the Sim you want to woo. The game's Career Rewards offer many means of influencing your Sims' Emotions, but also those of your guest. Decor itself will help Sims to be Happy, which has a huge impact on how accepting they are of friendly or romantic advances. Decorate an area and use it for Socializing. This can have very powerful results.
Realize some Sims are Hard to Befriend
Some Sims just don't seem to want friends, and will reject almost any kind advance thrown at them. If you get in a situation where nothing seems to work, you'd be best moving on to another Sim just as you might in reality.
DarkWalker posted some scores for Mood, Relationship, and Charisma impacts on Socialization. What we can learn from this is how Charisma affects Funny, Romantic, and Mischievous Interactions' likelihood of success, and that positive and negative moods have predictable outcomes - making it easier or harder to make an interaction a 'success'. Being Happy has the highest boost for Friendly interactions, Flirty Romance, and Confident for Funny. All the positive Emotions will boost these types of Interactions, and also give you more Social Interactions to use. Being Confident or Happy is great when you're shooting for Friends, but Energized won't hurt. Achieving each level of Relationship status with another Sim will also make Interactions more likely to succeed.
Cheat to Make Friends in Sims 4
The following Cheat will help your Sim to make Friends with any Sim that your Sim already knows. Open the Cheat Console and type:
So if your Sim's name was Alex Pinkman and the target was Mortimer Goth, you'd type:
This would make Mortimer Goth a Best Friend for your Sim. You can modify any Sims' Friendship status this way.
Relationships in The Sims 4
Check Out My Youtube Channel!
We now have a Youtube Channel with over 50 guides in video format to go along with the huge site I've already created. Check it out and consider subscribing if you like my style.
I have a sim with a social aspiration and i need to make friends. I have invited this guy over two nights in a row and just chatted for hours, and the friendship bar is all the way full, but it still says he is impartial. Do I have to do something to make it go to friend or am i just bugged?
Players are reporting this happening, and it's likely they will push out a fix before too long. Would be nice if it was today, but they just did a patch on Thursday. At least you know it's not something exclusive to you, and that it's likely to be fixed.
You can befriend the grim reaper, although you are unable to invite him over to your house or hang out, you can call or text.
It is possible to get into a relationship with Grim, however many actions like woohoo are not available unless you get a mod.
There is a achievement for getting to know Grim.
shift click Grim and then choose 'add to household'.
Kinda frustrating. Using the 'just be friends' option seems to remove any chance of ever being in a romantic relationship with them again. I haven't tried using the cheats to tone back their relationship and see what happens, I might try it on a game that I won't save just in case it fails catastrophically.
Also turn testingcheats on.
How To Turn On Testingcheats
There are relationship cheats which would be best to use once you have broken them up in-game. Then use the cheat to restore their pink relationship bar to at least 80% and then play from there.
If your sim was moved into a house you could also go to the map view and mouse over the houses to see which sims are living there.
modifyrelationship Bella Goth Mortimer Goth +100 Romance_main
and see if that works for you.
There is a post about it here on the forum and also here on the thread dedicated to tips on rotational play.
modifyrelationship Bella Goth Mortimer Goth +100 Friendship_main
and see if that works for you.
Remember that for this cheat to work both sims must already know each other.
modifyrelationship Your Sim Joaquín Le Chien +100 Friendship_main
New Patch & Eco Lifestyle Guides
New features in the Sims 4 Patch
Search my Sims 4 Site
Super Sim Checklist + Other News
This is inspired by a new series in which I start at toddler and gradually take on the major bonuses. Here's a link to the full playlist!
I now have a guide page to Tiny Living Stuff where you can learn about Murphy Beds, the new death, as well as the lot bonuses you'll receive if you manage to keep the size of your lot down with this new pack's Tiny Home Lot Type.
Let's Play Playlist
New I now have a guide to Making Super Sims in The Sims 4. Look for a text version within the next 72h. It won't have THAT much more info but it will help out as a checklist.
This was inspired by a series, "Let's Play a Super Sim" in which I start at toddler and gradually take on the major bonuses. Here's a link to each part for people who are interested. You can also see the Let's Play as a Playlist on Youtube.
Latest Videos and Guides
- Sims 4 Ultimate Gameplay Tips Video
- Lot Traits Updated for all DLC
- 10 Objects that Add Gameplay to The Sims 4
- 10+ Mods That Add or Improve Gameplay in The Sims 4
- Spells List Updated & Info on Charge
- Around the World of Glimmerbrook
- Sims 4 Realm of Magic is Available Now. Here’s My Opinion On the Pack
- The Sims 4 Realm of Magic Features Deep-Dive
- Tutorial: Using The Sims 4’s New Stair Customization Tool
Discover University Expansion
The Sims 4 Discover University has been announced for November 15 for PC/Mac and December 17 for Xbox and Playstation 4 consoles. Click to learn more about the pack, see my summary of the livestream or read our FAQs below.
- New Career Law Career
- New Video Discover University Review
- New Video The Sims 4 Discover University Super Student
- New Engineering Career - Mechanical or Computer
- NEW Student Organizations (University Groups)
- Gameplay Features Guide (Robotics, Secret Society) Video
- Updated! Discover University Cheats
- Updated: Degrees Guide now also features a Scholarships List
- Discover University Features Guide
- Education Career - Professor or Administrator?
- Research and Debate Skill - Convince Others & Debate Guild
- Robotics and Cybernetics
- The Secret Society of Britechester
More videos coming soon!