The Sims 4 Romance Guide

Falling in Love, Dating a Girlfriend/Boyfriend or Proposing Marriage

The Sims 4: Girlfriend and Boyfriend
A Sim with his then-Girlfriend

Romance Guide Sections
Romance Tips
Relationship Levels

The Sims 4's Romance system is one of the things the developers did very well with the game. There are plentiful social interactions in that category, and excellent animations for each of them. Dating goals give direction to Dates and may reward you for performing well in them. The Guide to Relationships and Finding a Friend is relevant to the process of finding a boyfriend or girlfriend for your Sim, as you can learn a bit about the mechanics of socializing there. If you're looking to learn about Woohoo and Messing Around (Teens), click here

Here we will look at some of the popular Romantic Interactions like kissing, going on dates, and proposing marriage and how they become available to Sims. We'll also describe what is necessary to make a Sim a 'Soulmate' for the Soulmate Aspiration, along with all other levels of relationship related to Romance.

Know that Romance is not restricted to Adults in The Sims 4. This is also all relevant to Teenagers, who may exchange promise rings to indicate they will marry at some point in their adult lives, and even "mess around" as opposed to Woohoo. They can also go on Dates!

Romance Basics

The Sims 4: Romantic Relationship Bar and Social Context
The Pink bar is Relationship Standing; Steamy Exchange is a Romantic Conversation Context

The Romance Meter
When talking to a Sim, the top bar is for Friendship and the bottom Romance. At any point in this guide where I mention a percentage of relationship, I mean the bottom pink bar. This is the indication of how Romantic two Sims are toward one another.

Finding Love
If you want your Sim to get along with their future husband or wife, then find a Sim that has Traits that you like. You may also consider their appearance, as the game has a genetics system to determine that babies will look like their parents. Finding a few contacts and seeing how those Sims get along naturally is a good idea if you're going to play them in a family together. It will lead to a happier life for both of them.

As the Sims use Romantic Socials on one another, the relationship meter will rise or fall based on whether that interaction was received favorably or not. At different combinations of friendship/romance levels, you will get a different title for your Sim's relationship with that Sim, from Total Opposites to Soulmates. There is a full table of possible outcomes at the bottom of the guide.

The Sims 4: Sims falling in love
Sims Falling in Love at the Park

Relevant Traits and Rewards
There are a few things that come to mind in in the Trait/Rewards category. Sims with the Alluring Bonus Trait, gained from choosing a Romantic Aspiration will get a higher success rate on all interactions, even Woohoo. Alluring will also raise the effective level of Charisma by 2. Sims with the Great Kisser Reward will get 20% more success rate out of Kissing in particular (that itself is powerful for the variety of kisses), and Sims with Shameless will not find themselves embarrassed by any kind of rejection. If you give your Sim the Romantic Trait, they are more likely to become Flirty at any given time, based on the generation of a random Moodlet.

Relationship Status
Like in reality, Sims have different relationship status with one another. This is independent of the game's description of their Relationship Level (below). Status is an official thing between the Sims, and once in a real relationship any flirting with other Sims will result in anger out of the boyfriend/wife/whatever. Here are the standings Sims can achieve:

  • Boyfriend/Girlfriend - get this option by Asking to be. Find more information further on the page. It requires at least 30% Romance.
  • Engaged - Proposing Marriage needs 40% Friendship in addition to Romance. Teen Sims can exchange Promise Rings.
  • Married - Sims can Elope (get married instantly) or have a big formal wedding. It's up to you.

Breaking Up or Getting Divorced
Sims who are in relationships may break up or get divorced. These interactions are found under Mean and may be performed without needing to do anything special first. The Romance meter will fall all the way to -100 once you've chosen to deliver the blow. There is always an option to Rekindle the Romance, and other Socials like Remember Common Interests, that will help to bring back a lost relationship.

Romance Cheats

If you don't want to grind out a relationship with another Sim, you can quickly get their romance meter up via cheats: Click here for detailed instructions on relationship cheats for romance.

Romantic Interaction Mechanics

The Sims 4: Romance interactions depend on several factors
Availability of Romantic Interactions Depends on Several Factors

Romantic Social Availability
In order to make a particular Romantic Interaction, like Kiss, come up, it takes some buildup. The context of the conversation notifies us of the buildup. A Pleasant Conversation does not mean you can expect a Sim to allow you to suddenly kiss them. As the level of the Conversation rises through Suggestive Encounter, to Amorous and Steamy Exchange, more Socials become available.

Still, a couple should not have to expect to build up with their boyfriend or girlfriend before going in for a kiss or even woohooing. The game accommodates those situations, and makes certain socials available directly to Sims in established Relationships, or who already have a high Romantic Relationship meter. You'll still have to turn up the heat to get all socials to appear, but don't have to do anything special to get a quick kiss before work.

Other socials are available depending on where the two Sims are. If you have access to a couch, Sims can 'Make a Move' and put their arm around the other. Massages are also possible. You are truly more in control when wooing another Sim when at home, so do try to pick that as a great spot for a date.

The Sims 4: Sims sharing their first Kiss
Sims having their First Kiss

Romantic Success

There are several things that improve the success rate of Romantic Social Interactions. First up is the context of the exchange, with Steamy Exchange giving the greatest bonus (+12). Suggestive gives a +5 boost. Next is the Sims' relationships. With 100% Friendship, it is +7, with 60% giving +6. So long as it's above 25%, you get +3. Therefore, build some Friendship before turning a conversation flirty and using Romantic socials. Sims with Level 9-10 Charisma get +12 toward success, and even 3-4 levels gives +3. Mood matters too, as you can see below. You can see the other Sim's mood by hovering over the conversation box at the top of the screen, or simply by looking at the color of the bottom line.

Romantic Success: Emotion
Emotion can have a major impact on how often your Sim's Romantic Socials are accepted. If your Romantic Interest has any of the positive moods, they'll be more likely to succeed. Some of the negatives can make them almost impossible to pull off, although you can always try to turn the other Sim's mood around by making them playful through jokes, being happy and using Brighten Day, or any other Emotion-related Socials. Those that pop up contextually, like give advice, can soothe negative moods instantly.

Note that these are the success values for your Sim, and there is a separate set for the target. If both Sims are Flirty, it's even better. Consider these relative, as the numbers for the target Sim are generally lower.

  • Flirty: +6-+16 (Very Flirty)
  • Dazed: +5
  • Happy: +4/+9 (Very Happy)
  • Confident: +4/+9 (Very Confident)
  • Playful: +3
  • Energized: +2
  • Inspired: +2
  • Focused: +2
  • Fine:: 0
  • Embarrassed: -3
  • Sad: -5
  • Stressed: -5
  • Uncomfortable: -5
  • Bored: -6
  • Angry: -3/-20 (Very Angry)


The Sims 4: Dating
Two Sims on a Date - the top left shows the Date Objectives

Dating in the Sims 4 gives you some direction toward success in your Sim's Romantic life and a little Reward should you earn a medal. You will get the option to ask Sims out on a date (under Romantic) fairly early in conversation, but should try to establish a little friendship first. Once that's done, you can select the option and, if they accept, a lot to have the date. Note that you can pick the current lot and have that encounter turn into an instant date. I liked Dating at home, since you have more control over the setting and can establish a Flirty environment with Paintings that your own Sim painted while Flirty and other items.

Dating offers a variety of objectives, and the more you can cross off, the higher your rank (Bronze, Silver, Gold). Once you've won a medal, the score will not go down so you can then proceed with your Date however you like. I've written some of them down so that you can get an idea what's expected of you. Here are the things that may come up. When planning a Date, you should have high Needs so that your Sim doesn't lose out just because they were too tired. There's no real penalty, just lack of a reward. Dates last 6 hours.

  • Main Goal: Socialize with your Date 10 Times - Some Romance counts here. Always the main goal
  • Sit and Talk with your Date
  • Have both Sims become Flirty at the same time - use Romantic Interactions
  • Have Sims become Playful at the same time - use Funny Socials
  • Joke with your Date 3 Times
  • Tell your Date a Story - Friendly/Funny
  • Have 2 Deep Conversations - under Friendly
  • Dance with your Date 2 Times - if there is a Stereo
  • Kiss your Date - build up to it!
  • Give your Date a Massage - be sitting on Couch or Bed
  • Kiss Date Passionately - if Sims are already Romantic
  • Woohoo with Date - see the Woohoo Guide. Comes up if Sims are already Romantic

There may be others, but this is intended to give you some ideas, not to be an exhaustive list.

The Sims 4: earning Gold on a Date
A Single Rose and the VIP Bucket are Dating Reward Objects

Rewards for Dates
You will find Rewards in your Household Inventory (Press F2, then click bottom left icon)

  • Gold Medal - VIP Bucket (optional Flirty Aura) $245 sell value
  • Silver Medal - A Single Rose (Decor +2) $152 sell value
  • Bronze Medal - Charisma Vol 1: Diplomacy for Dummies to perhaps do better next time $75 sell value
With no Medal, you get no Reward.

Romance Tips and Common Goals

The Sims 4:
Falling in Love means meeting someone appropriate for your Sim

Forming Romance - Buildup Example: How to Kiss
Getting two Sims to Kiss can be a challenge if they're just not compatible, but if two Sims seem to hit it off in Friendly Conversation, all you need to do is gradually work the conversation toward Suggestive Encounter and up to Steamy Exchange through Romantic Interactions to get Kiss to appear. It comes earlier with some established Relationship. The safest options to use are Ask if Single, Compliment Appearance, and Confess Attraction. After that, Hold Hands, Offer Rose, and Embrace may be good choices. Once you see First Kiss and things seem to be going well, go for it! The first kiss causes a big bump in Romantic Relations between the two Sims, and can easily lead to more. It makes them happy, and that will boost success of future socials, so it's a great starting point.

The Sims 4: A Sim gives his fiancee a Massage
Giving Fiancee a Massage. Some socials only appear if the Sims are seated or lying in Bed

Establishing the Relationship: Ask to be Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Once two Sims have established some Romantic Relationship, you can ask to be Boyfriend/Girlfriend at just 30% (1/3 of the bar). This will not likely come up just walking up to them, but if you simply pull off a few Romantic socials, the option will appear. You may need a higher relationship with them if they already have a husband/wife or are just in a bad mood.

Finding a Husband or Wife: Proposing Marriage
The option to Propose Marriage comes up rather early just like Ask to be Boyfriend/Girlfriend. This will appear if they have at least 40% Friendship, along with a similar amount of Romantic relation. Again, build up to it and set a foundation with a friendship. Soon enough your Sim can be tying the knot. I'll do a full guide to Marriage and link it here another day.

Tip Summary
This is a fairly big article, especially when combined with the introduction to relationships. I'll summarize some of what we learned from both of these articles about Romance and finding a girlfriend or boyfriend for your Sim in The Sims 4:

  • Build Charisma - just a few levels raises interaction success rates
  • Start with Friendly... - having greater than 25% in Friendship will also boost success rates. Do this before beginning Romantic Interactions if your Sim is not Alluring.
  • .. then Take it slow - use safe Socials like Pick Up Lines, Compliments, and Confess attraction before moving on to Caressing and Kissing
  • Maintain the Relationship - Relationship decays fairly quick, so invite the Sim out on a Date here and there to keep their interest
  • Know the Mood - Hover over the conversation window to know the other Sim's mood. Good moods are more receptive than bad ones.
  • Date at Home - you can cook your Date a meal, have a stereo to dance, and access to a bed for Woohoo
  • Use Flirty Paintings - Get flirty by using a Mirror to Freshen Up then Paint. You can hang these on the wall and click them to enable a flirty aura, which will help your target's mood as well as your own Sim. Both being in the right Mood helps immensely! You may also use VIP Buckets from getting Gold on Dates!

Sims 4's Romantic Relationship Based on Friendship

Special thanks to DarkWalker for posting these status on the Forum. The following are what displays based on the Romance and Friendship levels of two Sims - the percentage of bar that is filled, remembering that both bars can go in the negative. This is independent of Girlfriend/Boyfriend or Married Status. You can of course have a strong friendship and have negative romantic interest, or have a lot of romantic interest to the point of woohoo, yet not have a good friendship - maybe even to the point of being enemies! I included the game description DarkWalker shared, as some of them are funny.. while others don't make a lot of sense. Irony, perhaps?

If Sims' Friendship is -100 to -70:
Romance isNameGame Description
-100 to -50Total Opposites"One says "hot" and the other says "be quiet". One says "black" and the other says "go away". What total opposites!"
-50 to -10Terrible Match"It's probably best to stay apart. There's a lot of dislike here. Like, a lot."
-10 to 10Despised"Things in this relationship have gone awry. Can it be salvaged?"
10 to 50Hot and Cold"Are they on or off? People can never tell."
50 to 100Enemies With Benefits"I hate you...but I must have you!"
If Sims' Friendship is -70 to -20:
Romance isNameGame Description
-100 to -50Terrible Match"It's probably best to stay apart. There's a lot of dislike here. Like, a lot."
-50 to -10Bad Match"Sometimes there's just no chemistry."
-10 to 10Disliked"This relationship is tense. Things are likely to go awry!"
10 to 50Hot and Cold"Are they on or off? People can never tell."
50 to 100Hot and Cold"Are they on or off? People can never tell."
If Sims' Friendship is -20 to 35:
Romance isNameGame Description
-100 to -50It's Very Awkward"They drive each other crazy, but they also drive each other "crazy...""
-50 to -10It's Awkward"At least some aspects of the relationship are budding, if not all."
-10 to 10Acquaintances"Neither friend nor foe - just an average relationship
10 to 25Romantic Interest"It's too early to tell, but there could definitely be something there!"
25 to 50Lovebirds"A connection of curious hearts. This is shaping up to be a beautiful romance."
50 to 100Lovers"To be in love is a beautiful thing!"
If Sims' Friendship 35 to 60:
Romance isNameGame Description
-100 to -50Bad Romance"Sometimes your gut tells you it's all wrong. And then you tell that gut to be quiet."
-50 to -10Awkward Friends"Things started out friendly, but then it got weird..."
-10 to 10Just Friends"A friend will always be there for a kind word."
10 to 25Romantic Interest"It's too early to tell, but there could definitely be something there!"
25 to 50Lovebirds"A connection of curious hearts. This is shaping up to be a beautiful romance."
50 to 100Sweethearts"The foundation of a strong friendship has forged a lasting love."
If Sims' Friendship is 60 to 100:
Romance isNameGame Description
-100 to -50It's Very complicated"Aren't love and hate just two sides of the same coin?"
-50 to -10It's Complicated"The burning romantic desire cannot be quelled, even if they don't like each other that much."
-10 to 10Just Good Friends"This is a solid relationship built on trust and good memories."
10 to 25Romantic Interest"It's too early to tell, but there could definitely be something there!"
25 to 50Lovebirds"A connection of curious hearts. This is shaping up to be a beautiful romance."
50 to 75Lovebirds"To be in love is a beautiful thing!"
75 to 100Soulmates"Two Sims, one heart."

Relationships in The Sims 4

Friendships and Forming Relationships
Romance and Girlfriends/Boyfriends
Relationship Cheats
Weddings: Securing a Husband or Wife

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1 2 3 4 > Last
You forgot that break up is an option!Tongue
7th September 2015 5:03am
They didn't forget. Just look a little closer or scroll a bit slower and you'll find it Tongue
3rd January 2016 9:20pm
so, I have a couple....The man feels like she is his soulmate, but she doesnt think he is hers. How can I make him her soulmate as well?
7th September 2015 7:13pm
How can you tell how they feel towards each other? I see 2 options but! please tell me :)
15th September 2015 1:14am
Often the Soul Mate status glitches. Try traveling with your sim to see if that resets it. Also saving, quitting and if all else fails usually time fixes it.
Clearing out the cache files is a good idea to do when your game begins to get a little buggy and Repairing Game is also useful.
Deleting Cache Files
Repairing Your Game
13th January 2016 4:14pm
Can you make two YOUNG ADULTS be romantic to one another. There is a girl Steve is trying to impress but when I open more options, It just has Friendly, funny, mean, and even mischief. No Romance Mad
23rd November 2015 4:42pm
Yeah, for sure. The only reason the "Romance" option would be missing is if they're somehow related.
26th November 2015 11:06pm
Smile thatbmeans the girl is a teenager or they are brother and sister.
15th July 2016 4:07pm
I have a couple with 100 in both bars but they're still just best friends and spouses... Anything I can do?
19th December 2015 4:38pm
If you are trying for Soul Mate status this can be glitchy. Read my reply a few posts up for some ideas. Smile
13th January 2016 4:16pm
So both of my sims consider each other soulmates and lovers. They're dating and they are best friends. They both have a want to be engaged to each other... but every time one of them proposes, even if they're in a great mood, they get rejected... why is this happening? Sad
28th December 2015 9:59pm
Make sure both sims needs are high and that they have no negative moodlets in their moodlet stack. An angry, embarrassed or sad moodlet, even if out weighted by other positive moodlets will nearly always result in a rejection. Ouch!
13th January 2016 4:17pm
I play a married couple - girl has a romantic aspiration (the soulmate one) and guy has the rich aspiration. They own a club and they had a little gathering at their house.
I recently joined into a club another engaged couple, so I made the girl interact with the new girl and the guy with new guy, so they would get friends. After I instructed the girl, I "left" the conversation to manage the guy. It wasn't even 2 min after, when I saw the girls go into sauna to woohoo... They were barely friends, probably still aquintances and they had no common traits. But the love meter was around 10, maybe 20%. I don't get it. And the girl is married, the other is engaged. I don't want them to cheat, but the only way to prevent it is to watch like a hawk what they do? That would make my gatherings so troublesome... everything was fine until I joined that couple.
My first solution was to remove the new girl from the club and just have the guy. But then IT HAPPENED again! Only it was the new guy and the husband who did it!! And neither has romantic aspiration, but they both have the active trait. That's about it.
The club vibe also wasn't flirty (never even purchased that option).

So any ideas? Like I said, everything was going smoothly before I joined that couple. I had a lot of gatherings already and my couple interacted with lots of sims by themselves, but never in a romantic way.
1st February 2016 7:35pm
There is a game-bug at the moment that makes sauna woohoo a 'friendly interaction'. Sad Until the bug is fixed maybe lock the door to the sauna or just remove it while your club gathers.
1st February 2016 8:51pm
Ohhh it's the sauna!! It actually was the first time I gathered with a sauna in the lot! It makes sense now. THANK YOU! Smile
15th February 2016 5:48am
I have a couple that went from good friends to complete blank even though they are a bf and gf now? Their love and friendship bars are all maxed out and everything but it still doesn't as lovebirds, romantic interest, soulmates, just good friends or anything the part for the relationship just displays as blank for both of them Unsure
Do u know any fix for this issue as I don't get the serenade with guitar option as it doesn't acknowledge the partner as as a romantic interest :S
14th February 2016 3:38pm
This is unfortunately the new way the game deals with relationships now that groups have been introduced. You will just have to spend some time working on their relationship again. If you get them to exchange phone numbers this seems to protect the sims from 'relationship culling'. Were you rotated away from playing them when this happened?
14th February 2016 11:02pm
Thanks for the reply Smile oh that would explain it.
When u mentioned spending some time working on it, do u mean resetting the relationship to zero using cheats maybe or deleting and making a whole new sim again?
What I did was I simply created the sim and placed them in another household and then moved her to the current household and didn't really know the new patch came with that issue
but yes thanks again for the phone number trick imma try that when I get the chance Smile
15th February 2016 1:11pm
I just meant talking and flirting etc with the sim in question. I don't think you'll need to start again with a new sim if you still really like this one. With some socials and romantic socials you should be able to rebuild their relationship. Of course if you want a new sim... then deleting that particular sim would certainly solve a potentially awkward situation! Cool
15th February 2016 5:38pm
I made two Sims with matching traits, but they don't seem to be compatible.. Their love-bar is maxed and their friendship about 3/5 (they're good friends) but they're always sighing around each other. Today they got engaged, woohoo'd and when the guy wanted to make them some dinner (at her house) she threw him out and got super mad! Is this some kind of glitch or just uncompatability? I'd really like them to be together but they're just crazy!

Is there anything I can do to fix this?
18th February 2016 8:47am
A recent patch brought in the ability for sims to be thrown out of other sims houses for 'rude behavior'. Cooking is one of those behaviors tagged as rude. A sim now needs to have the Always Welcome trait for them to be able to do whatever they like in another sims house. So this will be why your sim threw him out.
As to them being compatible, well there isn't really an attraction system in the sims although some sims just don't seem to particularly like each other. If your sims are sighing it could be that you have repeated a friendly or romantic interaction twice in a row (which sims hate) or that they are just bored. Once he is in the same household as your sim and you have control of him you will be able to direct socials between them both much better and their relationship will be fine. Smile (Or not, depending on how you want to play it! )
18th February 2016 6:47pm
Are having affairs more difficult? I've been trying to have my slutty sim have an affair with a married sim but he will not accept any romantic options. He's very loyal, lol. But they both have nearly maxed friendship bars, so any tips?
4th March 2016 2:50am
If you can get the target sim and your sim in the flirty mood then it should be easy. Just start with flirts and compliments and mix those into friendly socials or jokes. Once flirts are accepted do a few lower end romantic socials until the romantic bar has a bit of pink on it and take it from there. If you have Get Together swapping phone numbers never seems to be rejected.
4th March 2016 3:46pm
I've actually been rejected by Mortimer Goth when I tried exchanging phone numbers with him. He scowled when he got the message and tapped his phone, then a negative realtionship popped up above his and my sims head... But most of the time it is successful.
19th February 2017 9:49pm
lol! That would actually be pretty funny to see! Grin Nice to know that it can fail though.
21st February 2017 7:36pm
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